Sample Student Response I: Claire:
Original Document:
CHAPTER ONE
The Sky, the Stars, the Wilderness
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By RICK BASS
Houghton Mifflin Company
I
Trapper is so old and tired that every August he just sits in the sun
in front of his cabin with his head bowed, trying to gather up the
last of it. A week of heat left, and then each day after will be
cooler. He sits with his arms spread and tries to gather it all in,
absorbing the vitamin D. Everything is draining from him. He used to
love winter the most; now he tries only to stagger from August to
August, crossing the months like steppingstones across a dangerous
river.
Maybe the breadth of time he's spent in the woods turned Trapper's
mind: his need to be versatile, to change with the seasons. Or maybe
it's the absence of cities, towns, or villages. It wasn't something,
though, that human contact could stave off in him, or else his wife
would have kept it at bay. He wants her back worse than he ever
wanted a pelt. Judith has been gone now almost a year.
She broke through the cabin's small window on a January night during
the wolf moon when Trapper was having one of his fits. At such times
something wild enters him. Trapper is as pale as a snow lion. Judith
came from Tucson, and was still brown ten years after she left. It
was as though in Arizona she'd stored a lifetime of sun.
Judith has curved feet, like flippers. She's six feet tall (Trapper
is five-nine), and her shoe size is thirteen. Judith gets around in
the snow well; the inward curve of her feet makes it so she doesn't
need snowshoes.
Judith ran all night to stay warm, floundering, heading for the
north. She knew he'd figure she was headed to a town.
It was true she'd be safe in a town, because Trapper would never
enter one to look for her, but he might go so far as to hang around
on the outskirts, like an old lobo skulking around a campfire.
Judith didn't miss the desert. Sometimes she did--in the spring
usually--but right now she was thrilled to be half running, half
swimming through rich deep snow. The sadness of her leaving him being
transformed into the joy of freedom, and the joy of flight, too.
She imagined the sleeping bears beneath her. Her Uncle Harm had
raised her in the desert outside Tucson and then she had taken up
with Trapper when both she and Trapper were eighteen. Uncle Harm had
been an old trapper and hunter and had tried to teach Trapper some
things, but had not been entirely successful.
Another year and Judith and Trapper would've spent half their lives
together.
It was delicious to swim through the snow.
The blizzard was a sign that she was meant to escape. A fool could
have followed the swath of her tracks under normal conditions, but
these weren't normal conditions. This was the first night of her
life.
It wasn't about babies, or towns, or quilting bees. Domesticity. It
wasn't about flowers, or about the desert in spring. It might not
have even been about his snarling fits, or his lonely, flat-eyed,
"Trapper says" fits.
It was about those red and green rods streaking through the sky.
http://www.nytimes.com/books/first/b/bass-sky.html
Recipe: The Sky, the Stars, the
Wilderness
1. Introduce one character; explain his physical and emotional state.
Use time, simple language, metaphors, and weather to describe the
character. Show some of the characters thoughts and explain a little
of their history.
2. Introduce a second character and explain their meaning or
connection to the first. Describe something new, but vague about the
first character. In the fourth paragraph describe the second
character's physical appearance.
3. Go back in time and show a major event in the second characters
life and show how the event changed the relationship between the two
characters. Use descriptive language that describes the second
character's feelings and actions.
4. Show how the two characters met and how it relates to the event
that the second character is experiencing. Use time to show the
significance of the characters relationship.
5. Use symbolism to show how the event was meant to happen and how it
will change the characters lives. Use weather and nature as the
symbolism. In the second to last paragraph show what the character's
lives were before this event took place. In the last line use nature
to symbolize a new start.
Writing Based on Recipe:
Claire S.
The Beach
George is young, stubborn, and shy. He lives on the beach and
everyday he goes swimming, he enjoys the long summer days, but during
the winter it is too cold to swim. In the winter, George, tries to
fill his days like a squirrel trying to collect nuts for the winter.
George passes each year in the same way; watching the sunset over the
ocean and waiting for tomorrow.
George spends his days thinking about what could have been; he sits
on the beach deep in thought about the events of the past. The
sparkling sand of the beach has transformed George into a silent,
serious person. The sand and the beach and the people that drifted in
and out of his life, had destroyed him. George knew he had made a
mistake; Aaron wasn't one of those people that stayed for long.
Aaron took the keys from hook on the wall, he knew how to drive the
boat. The warm tropical air whipped around the porch and the moon
showed brightly in the sky. Aaron tiptoed down the stairs and out to
the end of the dock, he didn't really want to leave, but he needed to
change his surroundings. George was his brother and was always
willing to help Aaron when he needed help.
Aaron was a taller replica of George. He had light blue eyes and a
stubborn streak in him. He didn't work, but wandered from one place
to the next. George thought he was courageous and brave; Aaron knew
lots of people and had seen the world. Aaron could also swim faster
than anyone George knew.
Aaron drove the boat around the cove; he wanted to surprise George
with fish for dinner. Unlike other siblings, George and Aaron always
got along; each brother liked the other. They were friends and did
everything together, when Aaron went to college George made sure he
went to the same school.
It was during college when Aaron began going on trips to explore the
world. Aaron didn't want to stay at home on the beach forever and he
didn't always appreciate having George follow him everywhere.
Aaron drove the boat with a steady hand; he was sure of the currents
and watched with pleasure as the boat sliced through the waves. When
he got to fishing grounds he turned the engine off and set out his
lines, he fell asleep with the sun on his face, waiting for a fish to
bite. Aaron didn't feel the boat drift toward the sharp purple blur
of the reef.
Aaron had come home three months earlier with no money and no place
to stay. George gladly took him in thinking it would be like old
times. George found the pieces of his boat on the shore the following
morning.
Aaron was gone again, just like that. George couldn't feel any
sorrow; he could only feel the smooth hills of the waves lapping
gently against the beach.
The Sky, the Stars, the Wilderness
Reflection
I found this assignment challenging, yet interesting. It was
difficult to copy someone's writing style without using his original
ideas. Making notes and a recipe really helped me to write in the
same style, but to use my own ideas. Trying to do something that I
wasn't used to was challenging and interesting. I had to think in a
different way and I had to apply what I had observed in the original
writing to my own piece.
While I was writing my story I had found it hard to think of a
different scenario then someone running away. I had to use different
circumstances for my characters; they had to have different
personalities, but the writing style of the two pieces had to be
similar. Creating a recipe made it easier to create my own ideas. The
recipe that I created didn't have specific stories, but it was vague.
I found that if I followed the recipe and not the original writing, I
could come up/ with my own ideas.
I liked this assignment; it challenged me to think in a different
way. It was a good exercise, because I had to attempt to write using
a different style. I am used to writing in a certain way, this new
style was much more descriptive. When I write a story I will normally
introduce two characters at one time and in the beginning of the
story I would introduce the relationship between the two characters.
The writing sample I had to look at introduced one character and then
the other, it described the problem and the relationships of the
characters later in the piece.
Doing this assignment made me analyze not only a different writing
style, but also my own. I can now incorporate some of the new
techniques and ideas in future writing pieces.